Sunday, April 10, 2011

SIBLING RIVALRY - A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO DEFUSE IT





I am forever the optimist.  I am one of those people that see the glass half full instead of half empty.  I was verbally abused as a young child; I learned early on to block out the negatives by daydreaming about things in a positive way.  This is one of the reasons I wrote my second trilingual book as two twin sisters being best friends.  
Even though I do not have twins, but I know from raising three children, there can be plenty of friction between siblings.  Conflict is part of life; consequently, it is important to teach your child how to resolve issues that may come up.
If you have twins or any other children   and are having a hard time figuring out how to reduce the tensions between them, here are a few tips on how to restore peace:
1) Sometimes jealousy can set in; one way to handle that is to make individual time for each child.  Giving undivided attention will make a child feel very special.  Perhaps you and your spouse should take turn taking each child out. In my household, I call it: "SPECIAL TIME WITH MOM" "SPECIAL TIME WITH DAD."  For example, every year until my daughter went to college, I took her to see the Nutcracker in December.  My husband would take my son to a basketball game.  When my son was still living at home, my husband took Tae-Kwando lessons with him.   My oldest ended up getting a Black Belt in Tae- Kwando his junior year of high school.
2)  Never compare them to each other.  Try to focus on what they are good at.  Looking closely at what your child does well will help build self-esteem.
3) Children always emulate their parents; try to be a role model by handling conflicts that may come up in a constructive manner.
4) Remember, children go through many emotional ups and downs as they continue to develop; be sure to practice lots of patience with them.  Let them know you will be there for them no matter what. 
5) Always show your support by giving tons, and tons of positive feedbacks and affirmations.  I tell my children, I love them every chance I get.   I make a big deal when they accomplish a goal.  For example, today my 15 year old shot a perfect three pointer at 51 seconds remaining in his league basketball game.  We won the game!  I made sure to compliment him and took him out to eat lunch.

17 comments:

  1. Hello! Just stopping by from the Weekend Blog Hop! I am your newest follower and cannot wait to read more! I hope you will stop by my blog to visit and to follow me back :)
    http://divvyupdiva.blogspot.com/

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  2. You have some excellent suggestions, Nicole.

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  3. As the mother of twin boys, your advice is so good. One of the first concepts our boys learned was cooperation. They still remember it! They were, and are, great sons.

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  4. Great advice, Nicole. My girls are only 2 years apart and they argue like crazy. The oldest one has always been jealous of the younger one, and it makes for some tense moments around here.

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  5. Great tips, Nicole. I saw sibling rivalry with my daughters and now with my grandsons. While it's just part of growing up, these are useful strategies to use to help lessen the emotions involved. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. My son and daughter are 2 years apart and are either best friends or worst enemies, depending on the moment! I find ignoring their arguements the best way to deal. They work it out or they both go to their rooms. Forces them to figure it out on their own and prevents ME from having to 'choose sides'

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  7. My two nieces would fight constantly. One day, the older one asked my daughter if she would like a sister. Then she added, "Well you can have mine!" That became the idea for my picture book, The Sister Exchange. It was a place where the main character could trade in her sister for some truly awful substitutes. I think that it helped a bit. Once they saw the negative comparisons, the sister they had didn't seem that bad. :-)

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  8. Great post! I have three children - the two oldest are twins so I will use your advice! I hope you'll stop by my blog too!

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  9. Great advice!
    Newest follower from the Mid Week Mingle Blog Hop!
    Come return the visit and enter one of our awesome giveaways when you have the chance :)
    --
    Jade
    The Sleppery Mind

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  10. Good advise!! I am your newest follower from the finding friends weekend blog hop! I am one of the hosts! Sorry it took so long to follow back I was sick with the flu over the weekend and never got out of bed! I wanted to stop by and say hi! I hope that you will follow me back on all my blogs.

    http://myowngrocerygame.blogspot.com/

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    http://mommysmenuplanning.blogspot.com/

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  11. GREAT TIPS!! Awesome blog!! Thnks for following me! I am your newest follower!

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  12. Hi. I found you on the Terrific Thursday Blog Hop. Following you via GFC & Facebook. Check out my blog at http://pricecrusher.blogspot.com
    Thanks again!
    Heather H.
    The Price Crusher

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  13. Great tips! Thanks for joining our Terrific Thursday Blog Hop last week. Be sure to join in the blog hop fun this week! Blog Hop post is up. :)
    Rondi
    wahmresourcesite.com
    moms-with-style.com

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